...or was, a little while ago. I was on the phone with someone very special to my heart who is presently suffering. I was so connected to him across the miles that there was no distance. In the moment, I realized that the advice I gave...the teachings I have learned from Buddha and Jesus and Gandhi...put me on the same path that they walked while teaching their truths. In that light, I am Buddha. I am Jesus. I am Gandhi. I say this with the utmost humility and the highest regard for your beliefs if they truly work for you.
I told this love in my life a very lot of things, and even mentioned that I wish I were writing it down, as the words were flowing fast and furiously. Deep, philosophical stuff that I hope he grokked; stuff I've learned that has made what was once a very miserable life at times (there are always glimpses of happiness between the dark spots) an amazingly grateful, content life (with an infrequent shower of sadness...usually self pity).
I don't want to push my beliefs on anyone in the way I've seen "religious" people/groups. I think religion is dangerous thing, but I won't go into that here. I just wish I'd had a chance to write down the loving suggestions flowing from me so freely into him; he was distracted by his suffering, I know, and this time of despair, immediately after a heart got bwoked, no words will make sense, unless you stay with them in every moment. In this manner, the present sad experience will eventually become a non-judgmental memory.
For example, I used a metaphor of a child with a broken toy (I'm being literary here, people, so I won't say "bwoked" which is one way I express myself differently). He curses the toy for breaking and calls it names. All of the blame of how the toy was broken was transferred to a thing that has no soul, no will, no ability to consciously break apart. The child transferred the blame of breaking an inanimate object.
When the child becomes an adult and thinks back on the toy, chances are that he will say, oh! how he loved it and how sad he was when it broke (rarely, "not when I broke it", if you follow my train of consciousness). But still, the anger is gone, there's no real animosity, just a fond memory of an illusion of a story you created long ago, then picked back up years later. No longer is he upset about it...the experience is nothing more than one of looking back in a storybook with mental snapshots scattered throughout.
Now, imagine how much easier life would be if you could let go of all those thoughts of cursing someone, or blaming someone, or just being angry needlessly. As soon as a complaint or bitchy thought arises, watch it as it falls without giving it any attention. Just leave it alone. Eventually, the thought won't arise as often, and in time, you may even think back on it fondly. The experience has turned into a memory. Maybe even a happy memory.
I hope you find some truth here. I love you, Kiddo. Come see me.